die jiminy, die

i hate consciences. i thought mine had died a peaceful death years ago, chained into a refridgerator box that i dropped in the ocean, but i guess it learned how to swim, cuz this morning it forced me to go to class on only a couple hours of sleep. i turned off my alarm, did everything i could to sleep through class, but i still woke up. and once i did that, the fucking cricket decided i might as well go to class. asshole.
anyway, the reason i got so little sleep last night is kinda pretty much jaya's fault. and now she's going to kill me for that comment. oh well. see, after we got back from the library last night (first time i'd been there too), we decided to watch "dressed to kill", since i had not seen it and she was hopped up on caffeine and very hyper. that was a good time, eddie izzard is hilarious. stacey had to come and tell the three of us to keep it down, cuz it was 1 in the morning, but it was hard, he's just so funny.
after finishing the movie, i went back to the room, figuring i'd listen to a little music and fall asleep. instead, i got into a discussion about friendship with jaya, mainly trying to figure out how exactly we became such good friends. for she really is pretty much my best friend, probably i'm closer to her than pretty much anyone i've known, and i've only known her for like five months. but already i can tell her things i wouldn't tell anyone else. perhaps it's due to the fact that we're so alike. i mean, we joke about being twins, but we really could be. we think so much alike, sometimes it's almost scary. i'm already kinda dreading summer a little, not being able to hang out like we do here. i am going to have to get to new york, no matter if i have to walk the whole way.
ok, so my roommate just got up and decided to put up the shades and let in daylight, so i have to go hurt him. then i think it's time for a nap, since i've fallen asleep twice while writting this.

i'm back baby!

oh new orleans, how i've missed you. seriously, it might have been only a week, but i really missed it. it being everything- the city in general, the dorms, my classes, the stores on magazine, the weather, and of course the abundance of easily obtained alcohol. but most of all, i missed the people. i'm starting to realize that i'm now closer to some of my college friends than the people i grew up with. not to diminish my old friendships, i'm still glad to know all of them, but there's something about living in such close quarters with people that makes it easier, and almost necessary, to become good friends. i knew this would happen, at least, i had been told time and again that the friendships i made in college would be stronger than others, but i never really thought about it until recently. but while i was home, though i had lots of fun, hanging out with old friends, making a few new ones, but all of that just served to show how much i missed the people here. my friends back home will never go away- jessy and i will probably talk til we're both 100, but here, i don't know, the people know me. it's hard to describe, but it's true. i feel like my friends here are able to know me better. maybe it's cuz i've been letting myself open up more, haven't been as self-conscious. whatever the reason, the result is friendships this year that are at least as strong as any i made in the previous 18, if not more so.
probably because of this, i'm starting to think of this place as my home. i mean, i sorta was earlier, but before, it was more like colorado was home, and this was my second home. now, it's begining to feel like this is my real home, and colorado's number two. i think i'm different from most people here in thinking like this, or at least from what i can tell from talking to them. i dunno, i've just been ready to leave loveland for so long, it's hard to think of it as home anymore. at times, i'm jealous of people like jaya, who love where they're from and know they're going back there after school. but other times, i'm glad, cuz right now i don't feel attached to anything. i could go anywhere in the world and be alright i think. i might wind up back in loveland, or more probably fort collins or boulder, or i might move to new york or london or something. right now i'm just content to stay here, going to school with my friends, and i'll worry about life later.

'twas the night before easter

spring break is just about over, tomorrow i head back to the big easy for the final stretch. as much as i've complained, this break has been pretty fun. the days have been a little boring, since i've been stuck in my house the whole time, but nights have been interesting. most of them have been spent up in fort collins hanging out at jim's house. maybe it hasn't been the wild party-filled week i was kind of hoping for, but i've still had fun, playing poker watching hockey games, attempting to play darts (and watching matt get one stuck in brenton's back), generally just hanging out. it's been a nice, easy, relaxing week. just what i needed really, after the two previous weeks of EmK fest and Jim & Jessypalooza. i got a bunch of reading done, filled my taxes (not getting as much back as i thought, but still a little), got fat on ben and jerry's.
i also was able to get some shopping done, and i am now prepared for April Fool's day. Tulane University is not going to know what hit it.
anyway, tonight's my last night here, and after i have dinner with my family (my mom has been cooking so much this week) i'll probably head back up north to see what brenton and the rest are doing, hopefully get a hold of matt or dan this time to do a bit of drinking. i mean, it is spring break.

oooh, pictures

i just spent an hour downloading programs, editing pictures, reading help menus, and so on, just so i could have a picture in my profile. it probably could have been done quicker, but i kept getting distracted. that's what happens when it's 2 in the morning and you have ADD. anyway, there it is, my picture right over there ---------------------------------->>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
aren't i pretty? that was a rhetorical question, i don't want any answers. my ego is fragile enough as it is.
so that's all i have, i just felt like sharing my elation at having accomplished something meaningful.

the hell is wrong with me?

so i spent practically the whole week leading up to break wanting to go home, to see my family and everything. i kept thinking how nice it would be to get back, see my friends, have some good meals, just generally relax. and now that i'm here doing exactly that, all i'm doing is thinking of going back to school. i mean, i'm having fun, and i'm very happy to not have to worry about homework for while (though it's not like i ever did before, right?), but, well, loveland is boring. there's no way to get around it. i mean, i've had fun, got to go visit jessy and mrs letson down in denver, watched brenton get a dart stuck in his back thanks to matt, got lost trying to find walmart with ted, invented a new drinking game with jim and the gang, and have seen lots of friends, but on the whole, this place is boring. i think a lot of it has to do with my lack of transportation. even if i didn't have to share the car, i still would be hesitant to use it, cuz gas is just so goddamned expensive. it's not like at school, where everyone is within walking distance, and i just have to wander down the hall to find someone to hang out with. here, it takes effort. and we all know how well effort and i get along together. which is not to say it's that horrible here. if it were summer, i would probably be fine, cuz i'd be working, so i could just get off and go hang out. plus i would have money to spend, which always helps. as is, too much of my day is spent sleeping or playing games. except when i'm bitching and moaning about my life, instead of actually doing something to alleviate my boredom. though all of this complaining has given me something to do for twenty minutes, so i guess that works, in a way.
alright, so i'm getting bored just writing this, god knows what anyone reading this is feeling, so i'm going to go to dinner now, then hopefully find something or someone to bother tonight.

i'm so cold

i'm back home for spring break, and i'm freezing my ass off. well, not as much now, cuz i'm getting used to the cold again, but when i first got here, i was freezing. and it wasn't even cold, like 50's maybe. i guess the fact that i was only wearing sandals may have had something to do with it. see, i forgot my shoes at school. i made sure to pack socks and long sleeved shirts and everything, cuz i knew i'd be cold, but then i went and left my shoes. but i did get new ones out of the deal, so i guess everything worked out.
speaking of shopping and having things bought for me, i went grocery shopping with my mom yesterday. i totally called what would happen when i got home. she immediately started asking what kind of stuff i wanted for dinner, and basically tried to pamper me as much as possible. for example, shopping yesterday, we went by the ice cream case, and what do you know, ben and jerry's was on sale. my mom asked if i wanted any, and while i was debating (i am trying to eat healthier), she started grabbing some. i figured she'd get a couple, enough for everyone to have one or so, but we wound up getting at least twenty of the things. and i know she and my dad will have maybe two. so that leaves 18 between me and my brothers. plus, there was still some left in the freezer at home. plus at least six gallons of regular ice cream. plus all the microwave junk food. my god, i'm going to be so fat when i go back to school. but i'll be happy, cuz nothing says euphoria like sitting in front of a fire eating potato cheese soup watching a good movie, followed up by half a pint of phish food. heaven i tells you, heaven.

break time

so my last couple posts have been a bit depressing. no more, i promise. course, there's not much anyone can do to me if they stay depressing, or boring, or disgusting, or whatever i decide to do with this thing. i could start writing in pig latin, about calculus, and nothing would change. but i won't, mainly cuz i'm not fluent in either.

anyway, i'm back in colorado for spring break, having driven back with jessy and jim yesterday and today. that was intense, solid driving from noon yesterday to about 10 this morning, 1500 miles, five states, stopping only for gas, sleeping about an hour total if i'm lucky. and i didn't even drive. i originally was gonna switch up with jim last night, but he decided to take it all the way through. it was impressive, especially considering he has school tomorrow.
speaking of jessy and jim, it was great having them come visit. if nothing else, it gave me an opportunity to do a bunch of stuff that i probably wouldn't have gotten around to normally, like go to the zoo or wander around the garden district looking at all the famous people's houses. funny how going to school and living in new orleans makes it actually harder to do some things, all the touristy stuff. good case of life getting in the way of living. or maybe not, maybe i'm just trying to sound smart.

what is love?

recent events have prompted me to think about this. i may be biased in my thinking a little because of circumstances, but i really can't see a reason for love, at least biologically. see, that's where i started, the biological imperatives that human beings have. if you look at humans as animals like any other, everything we do in life is basically done to breed. truly, that is the ultimate goal of any living creature. you can argue that we've evolved past that, that because of our ability to think, we can have different, more complex meaning to our life. but really, that's not true. we're all still trying to pass on our genetic makeup to the next generation- even if we deny it, it's still there, if perhaps unconciously. because of this, actions like sex make sense. sex is fun (or so i'm told) precisely because it's the act of breeding. by feeling good, there is more of an incentive to do it, thereby increasing the chance that one will pass on one's genes. from this need to have sex, you can also see the reasons for many other behaviors, like fashion. wearing good looking, expensive clothes is merely a more advanced way of showing that you are able to fend for yourself, increasing the chance that the opposite sex will wish to copulate with you. similarly, staying in shape, making money, all of that can be attributed to the same drive to mate.
but how does love, or to a lesser degree just liking someone, fit into this? biologically, we all want to have as much anonymous sex as we can, spreading our genes, for males, as far as possible to insure that they are passed down, and for women, they should take the best available specimen, so that their kids have good genes. liking or loving someone just screws this up. you can argue that love increases the chances that a couple will stay together, which means the child will have two people to take care of it and nurture it. but if you think of it like that, then love should come about as a result of sex. if love is a mechanism to keep the man around to help raise the child, why do we fall in love with (or start liking someone), when we have no intention of having kids? i could accept this explanation for love, if it weren't for the fact that people fall in love with others in situations where there is absolutely no possibility that children will be born, be it because of something physical despite both people's desire for offspring, or that the object of the love does not return it, or something else.
this is not to say that i don't think love is a good thing. i think it's great, i hope to be in love someday. i merely wish to point out that loving or liking someone has no real point, that it is not neccesary in the most basic definition of life.

or maybe i'm just making up a load of bullshit in a attempt to make myself feel better.
which it did, so i guess i have that going for me.

about fucking time

sorry for the language, but it's finally spring break, i mean real spring break. the past couple of weeks have been fun, with first emily and then jim and jessy being here, but i need some time to relax. lately life has been crazy, full of ups and down (a lot of downs, which sucks, but i'll live), and a week at home is just what i need. to sleep in my bed, eat good food, sleep til whenever without worrying about school, and, most important, to see my family. i miss them, more than i thought i did. maybe it's because of life lately, but i just want to see my mom.
anyway, i'm done with classes and i leave for home tomorrow. right now i think i need to go to the gym for a couple hours. maybe killing myself there for a bit will help me forget my homesickness and stuff.

damn tourists

last night i played tourist again, just hanging out downtown with jim and jessy all night. they had gone down during the day to look around, and then jaya and i met them after class. after listening to a surprisingly good band in one of the bars (which, coincidentally, both served minors and had a 3 for 1 special), we headed out to wander around bourbon for the night. after stopping to get hand grenades, we first decided to check out frenchman street. however, as we got there, jessy got a call from some guy she had just met, who convinced us to go back to bourbon. or, rather, convinced her, and we just went along for the ride. she caught up with him, they started to hit it off, and i got bored. normally i wouldn't have minded, but i don't know something about that guy pissed me off. all i can say is, if jessy hadn't decided to leave when she did, i probably would have done something stupid, and someone might have gotten hurt. anyway, after some dancing by the ladies, drinking by jim and me, and more general carousing, we wound up at cafe du monde for beignets. i love those things. after relaxing there for a while, we headed back to campus, after a long, fun, satisfying night....that ended at 11:30. that's right, we got back to the dorm a little before midnight, ready for bed at the time we usually start out here. there's something to be said for starting the night off before the sun sets.

on another note, i've created a new exercise plan, to rival that of taebo and the like. for every minute of class i miss, i will ride the stationary bike for one minute. which means i'm going to be in the gym quite a lot. i'm going to be so thin by the end of the semester.

my mood

FUCK

that's how i'm feeling right now. not in the greatest of moods. but jessy should be here soon, and hopefully that'll help with the not like life thing.

whew

and just like that, it's over. emily has gone back to new york, and life is returning to normal around here. or at least as normal as life at tulane ever is. it's strange- i only met her less than a week ago, but already i think i can say emily's a really good friend (if not, well, i'll say it anyway, no matter how creepy i sound). her, me, and jaya just seemed to click. hanging out with those two this past week has been awesome- hard on my liver, short on sleep, but still some of the best times i've ever had. from getting extremely drunk on four bucks at 25 cent night at quills, to being forcibly removed from tucks, to endless hours of food network (why must we torment ourselves like this?), all the while with, through strange cicumstances, fire everywhere (seriously, there was the table on fire at the dorms, the frat guys running around the block with a huge burning torch, the packet of matches i was singularly unable to light without help from jaya). it's gonna be hard to go back to regular life now. though, if the fact that we managed to steal both a box of cereal and an exit sign while doing laundry tonight is any indication, i think jaya and i will survive.
now it's time to look ahead, particularly to the fact that jessy and jim will be here in a little more than a day and a half. so now i just have to get through one more day of classes. tonight i'm going to the baseball game against cal state fullerton, last year's national champs, and then to see sideways. should be a great game and even better movie. then a few short hours later, jessy and jim pull up, and my training continues. that's what i've decided this week and next are, training for spring break. cuz it's not like i'm going to be concentrating on school much. which might be bad in the long term, but i've never been one to look much past tomorrow. i figure it will all work out, just like the housing did. see, we (me, mike, ryan, and jared) thought we had a good time going in, but an hour or so before our time, i got a call from shaun saying that we were basically fucked, that almost all the rooms were gone, and that we needed to get down there immediately so he could try to pull us in with him. we got down there, but he wasn't able to pull us. so we started thinking about offcampus housing, cuz that's what were figured we'd be stuck with. sure enough, when our time came around, everything was gone and we were put on the waiting list. however, it turns out this may have been a blessing in disguise. apparently, 200-300 kids cancel their housing each year, and since we are pretty much first on the waitlist, we get the best of what becomes available. that means it's almost guaranteed we'll have willow, which is what we wanted in the first place. if we had been assigned a time even fifteen minutes earlier, we would have gotten rooms, but in phelps or irby, which are crap. instead, through our seeming bad luck, we'll wind up in the best dorm. unfortunately, it didn't work out quite so well for everyone. stacey and jaya look like they're not going to get oncampus housing, which means they will be living in a ditch somewhere, and i'll come by every once in a while to throw old food at them.
not really. but they will have to get an apartment, where, contrary to what jaya thinks, everyone (or at least me, which is really all that counts) will be hanging out a lot, i.e. passed out drunk.
anyway, i have a test in six and a half hours, and i think i've studied enough, so now it's time for sleep. or something

late, as always

so, yeah, i've been neglecting this thing for a few days. sorry bout that. there's just been a lot going on, and i've been too lazy/tired to do this. i'll fix that now. here's a quick list of everything that's happened since i last posted.
Friday-
went to kappa sig party with guys from the floor, semisorta got asked to leave, so went to quills, started back to the dorms, decided to stay out with the girls, went back to kapsig, then quills, lot of drinking, etc.
Saturday-
jaya's friend emily came into town, my ability to function as a real person left. the emily experience started at tucks, where i proceeded to be thrown out for drinking out of jaya's cup. the party then moved to quill's, because, though she had known me all of five hours, emily didn't think i was drunk enough. came back later and much drunker and hung out in front of monroe for a while, where in the space of ten minutes i both helped a gay man hook up and watched a table burn.
Sunday-
day of rest, so i slept in til at least 11, getting a good six hours of sleep in. went to reilly for our basketball game. MO6 (my team) dominated the other team so much that i actually got to play a decent amount. did well too, at least in my opinion. hung out with jaya and emily when i got back, played trivial pursuit for a while until jaya got bored and casey made me go study philosophy with her. back to the room at about midnight, fully intending to go to bed, then be up early to write my article for the hullabaloo and the paper that was due for philosophy. instead, i wound up talking to emily, both online and in the kitchen while we made food, until three in the morning. then proceeded to read for another hour after that, finally falling asleep at about 4:30.
Monday-
woke up at 10, decided i was too tired for class and went back to sleep. did the same at 10:30, 11, and 11:30. got up for good at 12:30, wrote my paper, took my test (probably failed, but what you gonna do?), found out when i get to select my room next year. luckily for ryan, mike, and jared, i got us a good time, so we should be able to get a good suite. after dinner, i wound up going to a second dinner with jaya and emily at this place called saucy's. i'd never heard of it, but i should have. the food was really good, and, joy of joys, they deliver. came back, hung out for a while, til the girl's decided i needed to try some lip venom thing, it was supposed to make lips fuller or plumper or taller or something. anyway, in the ensuing struggle, i wound breaking jaya's nose. well, not really, but i probably cracked it, cuz i accidentally elbowed her in the nose.
i really am sorry about that jaya. truly. i mean it
anyway, as punishment, i drank the diet coke that jaya had at dinner. normally, the fact that it was diet would have been bad enough, but this also had pure sugar, two kinds of what appeared to be fake fake sugar (they looked like nutrasweet packets, but weren't), salt, pepper, butter, honey mustard, and probably a bunch of other stuff. it actually wasn't that bad, even though it looked like some sort of really horrible mudwater. after that, watched monty python (which reminds me, i need to get that movie back from jaya's room so i can get my ID back. and trivial pursuit too. so someone tell me again when you see me). then, instead of being smart and going to sleep, we watched the food network until three. after seeing the challengers lose on iron chef, we called it a night, and now here i am.
so that was the weekend, or what of it i remember. it's probably a very good thing that i don't have any classes tomorrow, so i can try and recouperate for a few hours at least, before starting all over again. i mean, it is 25 cent night tomor...tonight. i got to say, i was expecting emily being here to be fun, but definitely not this fun. makes me all tingly with excitement about jessy and jim coming in four days. or maybe that's just the soda coming back up.

I'm bored

so i dropped my deviant behavior class, on the premise it is better to drop it than get a D, which i was headed towards, if not an F. so now, i have only one class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which is over at 12:15. plus, that class, politics, is canceled today and next Tuesday, so i have the whole day free. which mean's, as the title says, i'm bored. i know there are probably many things i should be doing, including but not limited to, reading for latin american history, studying for my philosophy test, studying for my human origins test, finding out if i have a econ midterm tomorrow. the list goes on. however, to do any of that would require a strong willpower or conscience, and lets just say my cricket died a quiet death a long time ago. however, i was bored enough to clean my room today, and i found out i actually have a desk. i wasn't sure, because i hadn't seen it in about 4 months. but, it's there, it's wood, and it's pretty.

on a separate tangent, little more than a week is left until my friends come. my best friend jessy, jim, and possibly a couple others have their spring break the week before i do, so they're roadtripping it down here, spending the week doing the usually tourist thing (or at least, the usual college tourist thing, which probably involves more alcohol than usual) and then i'm gonna grab a ride back with them for my break. should be a good coupla weeks. just what i needed after this week. i won't say i've been depressed lately, but i haven't been in the greatest mindset. lower test results, lot of work on papers, a couple of bad moves on my part, crappy weather. but now it's all getting better. it should be nicer weather, i've dropped that one class, a couple of other tests came back good, and jessy will be here in about 9 days. and now i'm going to go bother mike and play some of his nintendo games he just got.

crime of passion

went to the big easy for a midnight snack with jaya, and ran into liz there. coming out, they notice a poster on the side of the building about some abstinence talk or something. as a way of getting attention, or making it look nice, or letting people know what the talk was about, they had questions written all over it. some examples:
What makes a man respect a woman's body?
How do you keep foreign chemicals out of a woman's body?
What helps insure a marriage doesn't end in divorce?
How can a couple keep expressions of love in their relationship?
As we stood there in awe of the stupidity of this poster, thinking it should disappear, miraculously, it was torn down right in front of us. i don't know how, i don't know who, but it is no longer on that wall. that's my story, and i'm sticking to it. (you know, unless i'm threatened with jail time. then i'll roll over on the others faster than a fat man who smells breakfast)
also tonight, my roommate decided that a good way to relieve his boredom would be to cut his hair. i wasn't around, but apparently he started small, and just didn't stop. he now looks like the opposite of one of those monks who shave the very top of their heads. he is bald all around, except for about a four inch circle of hair he left on top. it's not even on the very top, it's like tilted forward. very strange. i'm not sure i'll be able to sleep tonight for laughing.