archie is not fucking mr. weatherbee

that has nothing to do with my post, i just thought it was a funny line from chasing amy. i guess then it does affect this post, inasmuch as i just watched that movie and it got me in the thinking mood. or perhaps it was the six-pack of rolling rock. either way, the path my wandering mind chose to follow is that of my classes. specifically, my inability to stay awake for them. it's becoming more and more of a rarity for me to not doze off, let along flat out sleep, in the midst of a lecture. normally, i would attribute this to a lack of sleep, insomnia if you will, but that's not the case. i stay awake fine on weekends, days when i don't have class, and more often than not, i get very little sleep the night before such days, as i'm out drinking, partying, etc. until often times ungodly times of the night. conversely, even if i get a good night's sleep the day before i have class, it does me no good in staying awake for said class. case in point, last night i was in bed and asleep by 12:30, giving me almost nine hours of sleep (which is a lot, considering i usually subsist on around six, if i'm lucky). i woke up this morning before my alarm went off (a rare occurence lately) feeling refreshed and ready for anything. i really felt better than i had in weeks, and was sure that the day would go great, based on the morning. yet there i was, less than an hour later, nodding off in my first class. and it just went downhill from there. it doesn't matter if i've eaten, haven't eaten, took a nap or not, hell, it doesn't even matter if i'm taking a test, i'll fall asleep. i know that there isn't a medical problem to blame, because frankly i don't think there is. it's not as though i can't stay awake, as i do it all the time when i'm not in class. it's just as soon as i enter the classroom, i can't keep my eyes open. really, i think the problem is simply that i'm bored. i know college is supposed to be the time that you can start taking the classes you want, learn what you want to learn, all that shit, but it's not happening with me. i did all the AP classes, got the extra credits, supposidly got all my requirements out of the way last year so i could concentrate on my major (which is supposed to be something i love or whatever), but i still feel like i'm being forced into classes. i have a geology class that i somewhat chose, in that i needed a lab science and figured that since my mom's a geologist i probably knew something going in and it'd be easy. and you know what? it is. too easy. sure, there's crap that i don't know about the chemical makeup of rocks and stuff, but the big stuff, i know already. what i'm getting in class seems to me like stuff you should get in about 5th grade. which means i'm absolutely bored out of my mind. apart from geology, i've got two philosophy courses, supposidly for my major. it seems to me like everyone else loves their major, that it's something they want to know and will use in their life. me, i'm doing it cuz it's easy. seriously, i flipped through the book that tulane had with all the majors and realized that i already had about a third of the major requirements done for philosophy, and, as i had no other real prospects, decided to go with it. now i'm stuck. it's not that i terribly hate it- my history of philosophy class can be interesting at times, but i see it as, i only need 4 or 5 more classes after this semester to finish, just stick with it and get that degree. i could care less what i use it for, cuz everyone knows a philosophy degree is shit. it does you know good in the real world. but hey, i guess i'll have something to show for my four year, right? and then there's my political science class. if you ask anyone who knew me growing up, this is what they'd probably guess i would major in. i truly love politics. i got hooked early on, and haven't given it up yet. but this class sucks. it's interesting, in it's way, but it's too easy. everything we talk about, i learned long ago, either from history classes or by actually helping with campaigns, following my mom to school board meetings, that sort of thing. i'm not even gonna talk about my art class, cuz that's just bullshit. i guess what i'm trying to say with all my rambling is that i don't need college. i'm here because i've been conditioned by society to think it's a good thing. and for most people, it is. but for me, no. i will learn stuff, true, but nothing that i really need. i'm smart, smarter than a lot of people, probably smarter than most people. i retain information like no one i've ever met. i have a near perfect memory that lets me read a book once and then be able to tell you the exact plot, with all the little details, often times almost word for word. i've got a huge vocabulary, larger than many people twice my age. i've got a reserve of trivial facts that most jeopardy contestants would love to have. i routinely test at genius level or higher on IQ tests. i love to learn, simply to know. there, perhaps, is my problem. college, while less so than high school or earlier, is still aimed at teaching students to pass tests. we're given a path when we enter, our "major", and everything we do after that is aimed at making us an expert in that, and only that. but that's not who i am. i don't want to know everything there is to know about philosophy, or political science, or microbiology. at least, not yet. right now, i want to know something about everything. i want to be able to philosophize about socrates and kant, to analyze the election of lincoln and the impact on the nation, to trace the rise of the nazi state in germany and the resulting world war, to talk about the evolution debate, to blow a vase out of glass. i want to know. i realize eventually that i'll have to settle down, pick a career, but not now. i don't want a degree from college. i want to take interesting classes, not worrying about if they fit my major. i want to leave when i'm ready, not when i've got my degree. and when i do leave, i'm almost certain i won't know what to do. i'll bounce around for a bit, travel some, do whatever. i'm going to do what i want, what's fun, not what's going to make me famous or rich, but what is interesting. one of my oldest fantasies is to join the CIA. i didn't decide this as most kids who want this probably do, from watching bond or something. i've never really had a feeling one way or another about being a secret agent. it'd be cool, no doubt, but that's not why i want to be in the CIA. really, i want to be in it because of their motto: the truth shall set you free. that's all i want. the truth. information. i want to know it all. i don't care if i test badly, do badly in the eyes of society because i don't do the homework or whatever. all i want is to know.